Boundaries: Why And How To Set Them To End The Year Strong!
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
I spent my 40’s as a marathon runner. During these 10 years I ran 25 marathons. I never was the fastest runner in the pack (not by a longshot), but I loved the challenge of training and actually running the race. I lived those years doing everything in my power to avoid injury. If I was injured I couldn’t run and that would interfere with my race plan. New training plans and extra runs were incredibly seductive. If I added hill drills or an extra tempo run maybe I could get faster. Through trial and error (and shin splints and aching hips) I learned that I had to set boundaries around my training if I wanted to continue to run. Indeed, these boundaries were an act of self love and protection.
What is a boundary and why do we need them?
Merriam Webster defines a boundary as, “something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.”
I like to think of a boundary as an invisible, protective shield that empowers us to separate ourselves from the other. Boundaries help us to be our best selves and to lead productive, fulfilling lives. Just like Brené Brown says, setting a boundary is an act of self love.
What does the lack of clear boundaries cost us?
As the year comes to an end my clients are finding it increasingly difficult to know which boundaries they want and how to actually set them. They report that the lack of boundaries at work, school and home is contributing to stress and disorganization, and causing them to overextend themselves. At one of the busiest times of the year my clients feel paralyzed and unable to get their best work done. As a result, their lives are completely out of balance.
What is getting in the way of setting boundaries?
When asked this question, some clients express fear around saying no and risk upsetting someone. Others fear that their boundaries will make them appear “rigid” or “uptight”. Still others, like when I was training for marathons, have difficulty giving up the extra work on a project because they might lose their edge.
5 Tips to help you set boundaries to end 2022 on a strong note:
“Plan your run and run your plan,” is a well known mantra in the running world that provides structure when training for a marathon. Like training for a marathon, boundary setting takes practice. Below are 5 tips to build the boundary setting muscles you need to end the year with confidence and power:
Connect with your values. What values do you want to honor as you end 2022 and start 2023? Write these values on a piece of paper and post it in a place where you will see it. Ask yourself, “What value on the list does this boundary help me honor?”
Make a list of non-negotiables. The list could include the tasks you must accomplish on a given day. Or the list could include the things you will do for yourself (30 minutes of exercise, refraining from checking email after 6pm, etc.)
Remain flexible. Check in with yourself at the end of each day. Do I WANT to change a boundary? Is this boundary serving me well? You are in conscious choice and can change any boundary.
Practice saying no. Role play scenarios that push against one of your boundaries with a partner, colleague or friend. Saying no from a confident place gets easier with practice.
Find an accountability partner. It might be the person you practice saying no with. Check in with each other and support each other with setting boundaries during this busy season.
Click here for a free consultation to see if we are a good fit to set your needed boundaries.
